Poem that i wrote for a girl on Valentines Day?
My life; a binding of Dark and Loneliness put in a room;
with no light; no radiance except that of the moon;
It was then that i saw your gorgeous face;
Your beauty took me to a whole new place;
Your luminous beauty stole the heart of my eyes;
but then i saw your smile and i felt my heart rise,
Taking my breath away, your smile shine like that of the sun,
From then on, i could tell for me, that you were the only one,
There is so much about you that opens my eyes and strengthens my heart,
Much more things than that i have already told you; but there's the start,
I was shocked by your choice, and I'm sure my face turned red,
You did choose me, everything i wanted to say, was finally said.
(tell me if u guys think its any good)
oh yeah btw when i gave it to her, she was like, "oh thats cool" and i was like yeah all this for nothing
yeah i wrote this thing awhile back just thought i forgot to post it
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Benji April 5th
FAG
x ESTRELLA . April 5th
aww this is so cute. you're very sweet!
GR April 5th
if i were ur gf, i would totally kiss u and cry lol. but the 1st 2 lines kinda sound like if u were emo b4 u met that girl.
Mbl S. April 5th
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwww!!!!!
this is sooooooo sweet!
i would love a guy to say this poem, and you know what would be even better, if you would tell her face to face, it would be oh soo romantic!!
and cutee!!
Angel Ashley April 5th
WOW
this is SOOOO AMAZING i would dorp deadd if someone wrote something as cute as this for me
mel_l April 5th
That sucked, learn how to write
sobecracker16 April 5th
wow
that's really good. but for valentine's day? isn't that awhile off?
*?Ggo&Lisa?* April 5th
omg I Love You.
I wish my boyfriend wrote me a fricking poem
Cecillia April 5th
It sounds very sweet. I'm sure any girl would love to get that
.
Hawaii Chic April 5th
im the kind of girl who treates their boyfriends like their best friend, so i don't know what to say but it is sweet i like it your really talented
Erin L April 5th
Very sweet. I bet she liked it alot
Lauren H April 5th
dude you are awesome! my boyfriend writes me poems and they make me feel like the most awesome person in the world. i bet your gf will LOVE it.
Dork E. Hope April 5th
i think it was really cute
supersweetvictoria April 5th
aaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwweeeeeeee that is soooooo sweet!
I think that is really good any girl would love it
help me out???
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AsW.jqCQXHmnMXRcdmXrHc_sy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090306175502AAhTP5n
Samantha S April 5th
That is a really good poem! I wish you wrote that for mee!
samantha.muzicfreak April 5th
its beautiful! i love how you but her smile in it. and how you felt when you saw her. really nice. im sure she didnt know how to react to it. awesome! keep it up!
*ani *angie* April 5th
if i where her you were writing that to i would cry and kiss you its romantic but not so much for valentines
Now You Know April 5th
DAMN! All that hard work and you got a "oh thats cool"? what a bitch…
Lovey Dovey April 5th
that is the sweetest thing!!!!! ur girlfriend is a butt for not melting into a puddle of love.. i wish someone would write me a poem like that
julie April 5th
you're amazing.
guys calling u a fag are just jealous because they'll never get girls like you will — all they'll ever have is one night stands =) and even if this girl didn't appreciate this, some girl is going to love it more than anything <33
princess#1 April 5th
woooow im crying right now( seriously) i mean i wish my x bf would have done something like that for me on valentines day…. i think the poem was really good and if i was your gf i would tell you how much i love you kiss you….
im soo SAD….
can you please answer mine… ( Has to do with my ex bf)
go to my profile under my questions and its the first one that says
" HELP!! need advice……."
i would gladly appreciate it
thanx
belleybutton April 5th
its sooo cute. I wish i got poetry. I would think she would have replied differently. Its really cute. I would have been all like "awwww your the best! This is the greatest!" but i enjoyed when he gave me a leaf as a joke. Oh well.
--- Semolina --- April 5th
thats a bit rude what she said! I thought it was really good, especially the end, I love it when my boyfriend talks like im too good for him and he's lucky to have me^^.
well done
bulker23 April 5th
yes
flipss April 5th
yeah, gf needs to appreciate your efforts more than just saying, "oh thats cool", how many guys compose a poem for their girls? she should feel lucky….
Vago Cerebellus April 5th
I liked the general direction of it…it was definitely cliched at times but for a valentines day poem corny isn't that bad. I also very much liked the closing line.
I do need to be a grammar nitpick here…you seem to be very confused about how to use the word "that".
"no radiance except that of the moon" is grammatically sound but "your smile shine[s] like that of the sun" isn't since you're not trying to say that her smile shines like the shine of the sun (the shine of the sun doesn't shine; the sun shines!). it should be "your smile shines like the sun"
"i could tell for me, that you were the only one" has a misplaced "that"; "i could tell that for me, you were the only one" is presumably what you intended to say.
"…more things than that I have already told you" should be "…more things than that (or those) which I have already told you" but "…more things than what I have already told you" is fine for informal writing.
so, if your girlfriend is as much of a grammar nazi as I am, then you now know why she wasn't thrilled with your poem. Otherwise, I don't really know what to tell you, I honestly thought it was pretty good.
check out my question if you get a chance: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Av4E2bRZjDyzTxyqWvP1qXbsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090307170204AACzK40
kinderbuena April 5th
yes it is good, and very thoughtful of you may i add,- to take the time to express to her your feelings about her.,,,, and only to get. "yeah its cool" at the end of it?
some people dont deserve….
i wish someone could do that for me.
dont let her make you change.
you are a keeper!! x
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