is it appropriate for the husband to wish happy valentines days to his ex wife?

No, it isn't acceptable if you're the woman in his life, but you would probably be amazed at the number of men who do this in the US.

Some men really cannot get over the failure of their marriages, especially when there are children. (Particularly if the husband feels he was at fault, the ex tells him he was at fault and especially if the ex uses guilt to manipulate him where the children are concerned–it might help him to talk about her faults and her contribution to the failure of the marriage and focus on those for awhile–I dunno)

It's a burden you get to carry if you're married to him. Just let it go, because if you make a big deal out of it, you push him away into a bad place. BTDT

Why not. This isn't really a yes or no answer.It depends on the relationship

Without knowing anything other than the fact he sent the card, I wouldn't consider it a big deal; there probably are valentines out there specifically for divorced couples that aren't all that different from the platonic friends versions. However, if there's a history of inappropriate behavior and you two had an agreement he wouldn't do anything to raise those fears again, I think that trumps the cultural expectations. I wouldn't pick a major fight over it, but it's worth talking about.

It is NOT appropriate whatsoever. Valentine's day is a day for lovers, not exes. I had to explain this to my bf as well. Its not like Christmas or Mother's day. Its not a holiday. Its a lover's day… for honoring love. You should be the only Valentine he has and wants.

If he was even sending a plain, non romantic card, I'd say yes. You can send an email saying that in 2 seconds. Unless you have something else, let this go.

Well sure u have the full right to be mad at that, its not acceptable at any way, i mean she is his ex and now he is with u, should be for u and only u, make sure he is getting new to have feelings to her.

_K_

I don't think that is acceptable.

Ok so he has 3 kids with her, right? Of course he gonna send her a greeting card. A real man is always gonna love his baby moma, even if its just because they had a kid. When you have a kid with someone you were close with it changes everything and that person and you have something else in common. But the love he has for her is more like he just “cares” for her. Where the love he has for you is something stronger, because he was willing to give her up to be with you. So he has a right to communicate with his ex, but not in a romantic type of way. He has to do it just because she has his kids. Its completely normal in usa. Just know that he loves you waaaaaaay more than he loved her.

Normally I would say yes…because I get valentine's cards and well wishes from friends, etc. It's not just a romantic holiday. And I ALWAYS appreciate chocolate.

HOWEVER – you had an agreement with your husband regarding the level of contact with his ex-wife. He violated that. You should probably sit down with him and chat about this – not in a yelling at him way, but tell him how much you were hurt by his violation of your agreement.

Totally no!!!

It's appropriate for him to say Happy Valentine's Day to his ex…its inappropriate for them to go away for the weekend to a bed and breakfast, eat fruit and various other items off each others bodies parts and have a sexapalooza without notifying you FIRST…of course.

I'm not sure I could fault him for just that I mean it was just a greeting and sometimes it is easier esp if there are children involved to still remain friends if you can….

This is really not a "black and white" "yes or no" type of question. If these two people had an amicable divorce and they have 3 children together then I can totally see him sending her a Valentine's greeting; aside from the fact that Valentine's Day is for Love AND Friendship.

It is actually refreshing to see a divorced couple being civil to one another enough to send a Valentine's greeting. I wouldn't be in the least upset if my husband sent his ex a Valentine's greeting. I think it would be good to show the children that Mom & Dad don't hate each other but they can be amicable.

But if there are other reasons behind this show of friendship then it wouldn't be appropriate. Like I said this is not a "black and white" or "yes or no" type of question.

When you get mixed up with someone who has a ex marriage and children, I'm sorry to say, but your in it for life or until ou no longer wish to be married.

HE HAS a purpose to have more than JUST child support with his kids!
He owes them visits, gifts, attendance to special events, sports events, he's a FATHER for god's sakes! He has more of a responsibility than just SUPPORT.

As for him sending the ex a valentine, I'd have to say that's a NO NO.

No, it is not ok. As a matter of a fact that is so out of line. What is his motives for wishing the ex a happy valentines day? Valentines day is for lovers. If it were me, I'd certainly confront him about this. I would let him know that I felt that this was inappropriate and if he wanted to stay married to me he would never step over those bounds again. I must admit, I would be pissed. My husband has an ex and he better never pull something like that. I dont mind that they are friendly, as a matter of a fact, I think that's healthy but Valentines Day, no buddy.
Red

Ideally an ex-husband and ex-wife should still get along and care about each other because they share children. For them to be mean, hostile or even indifferent to one another damages their children, because the children are a product of the two of them. The mother and father of these children will have many occaisions in livesof their children to be talking to one another, sharing joy, and unfortunately, some sadness.

Valentine's day is an occaision to express anything from casual affection through the deepest love. A Valentine's email from your husband to his ex-wife shouldn't be taken as inappropriate or indicative of deeper feelings on his part. You have to find it within yourself to lose the insecurity that makes you feel bad about this interaction.

Trust that you will be okay no matter what exchanges take place between your husband and his ex-wife. Be okay with good feelings between the two of them.

I've done it..its just a simple greeting of joy for the day.. Its not like we dropped our pants in the middle of the frozen food sections of the grocery store!

You can wish anyone a happy V Day. He just sent an e-mail to the mother of his kids. You need not be upset about that. If he had sent some flowers, candy and lingerie, then that would have been something else.

seeing she was his wife at one time he maybe still considers her his ex-valentine,
i don;t really see any biggy.
they will always be attached in some sort of way

I would say no it is not appropriated and you have the right to be upet. I only sent valentines to one I care about or love. With him cheating on you once and he did promise you not contact with her. SO you have all the rights, IMO I think he is cheating again.

Of course there are many reasons why he would do this. Maybe to butter her up or something. I would do that only to pi$$ her off (my ex), but in reality, I have no desire to have any contact with her.

Your hubby needs to stick to his agreement and you should see if you can get a reasonable answer from him regarding his motivation to do this. He might actually have a good reason.

Cultural differences aren't the issue, the agreement and his motivation are. He sent the message, so that's done and dusted as they say.

Guys aren't women, we barely remember to call our moms & we rarely remember to send out birthday cards, christmas cards etc. to friends & relatives. So saying that, YA you should be kind of upset and wondering what the hell he was thinking.